The Worst Cacher in the World

Raise your glass to Daniel Neville Flunkerbaum III
He's the worst cacher to have ever walked this earth
For 20 years he's searched, but a cache he's never found
He cannot find his own behind when he is sitting down!


Daniel's never really been very good at finding things
Can't find his coat, his keys, his shoes. Can't find his wedding ring
In fact he's lost so many things, he hasn't much to show
He'd check the lost and found but he can't find that either don't you know


When Daniel was a little boy walking down the street
He came upon his friends all playing hide n seek
They said, "Danny come and play! It's great fun all around!"
Dan joined the game and to this day, 3 kids have not been found


Raise your glass to Daniel Neville Flunkerbaum III
He's the worst cacher to have ever walked this earth
For 20 years he's searched, but a cache he's never found
He cannot find his own behind when he is sitting down!


When Daniel took up caching, his friends said, "Oh no!
How will you find a cache? You cannot find your way back home."
He started caching anyway most every single day
For years he's tried but never logged a single smiley face.


Well Daniel's friends said, "Dan, we know just what you should do"
"Find a lamppost cache my boy, that's the one for you
Just go to the coordinates, a lamppost there you'll see
Lift up the skirt and there's the cache. It's easy as can be!"


So Dan went out to find his first LPC one day
But he returned battered and bruised his head hung in dismay
He said, "When I got to the spot there was a lady by the post
I lifted up her skirt, and she punched me in the nose!"


Raise your glass to Daniel Neville Flunkerbaum III
He's the worst cacher to have ever walked this earth
For 20 years he's searched, but a cache he's never found
He cannot find his own behind when he is sitting down!


Daniel's friends said, "We must help him out we think."
So they got a large container and painted it bright pink
And placed it in the middle of his yard, right in plain sight
They said, "Dan outside there is a cache you cannot help but find!"


So Dan went out looking, he searched the whole day through
But he came back looking sad, and empty-handed too
He said, "I looked all over boys. I searched in every spot.
I even looked underneath that big pink rock!"


Raise your glass to Daniel Neville Flunkerbaum III
He's the worst cacher to have ever walked this earth
For 20 years he's searched, but a cache he's never found
He cannot find his own behind when he is sitting down!


His friends hated to see Daniel feel so blue
They looked at one another and knew just what they had to do
They registered a new cache and named it "Our Friend"
The description read "Dan's the cache, the cache is him!"


They said, "Dan we've turned you into a cache. It's guaranteed.
The cache is yourself my boy, wherever you might be!"
With tears in his eyes he said "Thanks lads. You're such dear friends."
Then he went off to find himself and no one's seen him since!


Raise your glass to Daniel Neville Flunkerbaum III
He's the worst cacher to have ever walked this earth
For 20 years he's searched, but a cache he's never found
He cannot find his own behind when he is sitting down!